In today’s world, there is a certain type of infidelity in relationships.
Trust and honesty seem to be limited, and we tend to become bored more easily.
For various reasons, we end up dating more than just one person. It takes us a couple (or many) failed attempts to finally find the right one.
Then, instead of staying married for 50 years like our grandparents, we’re filing for divorce the second something goes wrong.
A lot of relationships in our generation are lacking will and fighting power.
You can break up with someone via text message, and you can file for divorce online.
It’s less likely for couples to talk about their issues. Instead of taking the high road, we tend to take the easy way out.
When a breakup happens, most of us are sent into a downward spiral. After each breakup, getting back in the saddle gets even harder.
Starting over becomes a grueling process, where many of us would rather stay in our uncomfortable situations than have to begin again.
Better yet, we’d rather just be alone.
I’m not an expert at relationships. In fact, I’m probably better off giving advice about what not to do, rather than what to do.
But from experience, I’ve learned what I have to do in order to pick myself up after falling apart.
1. Let yourself do dumb things.
The way I look at it, you might as well go ahead and get this out of your system.
Drink too much, hook up with the wrong people and get all the stuff you’ll regret over with. For me, it seems the faster I get this stuff out of the way, the faster I pull my life back together.
If you can avoid this process altogether, good for you. But if you’re anything like me, be an idiot for a while.
Then let it go.
2. Learn to trust again.
Once our trust has been broken, it’s often hard to regain it. But just because one person screwed you over doesn’t mean everyone else will.
Learning to trust and open up emotionally is like learning to walk. You have to start from square one.
Each person you date deserves a clean slate. Don’t carry over the mistakes of your ex into your new relationship.
This, however, is easier said than done.
3. Remember who you are.
Sometimes, in the midst of a long, drawn-out relationship, we can forget who we truly are.
Before you start trying to pursue a new relationship, you should definitely know where you stand.
If you’ve been with someone for years, it can be really hard to remember who you were before you were with him or her. Spend time with your family and friends, travel and do the things you love to do.
After all, the next person you date will want to get to know you.
4. Accept your mistakes.
No relationship is perfect, and no one in a relationship is perfect either. If you were the one to blame for the end of the relationship, accept it.
Going into denial won’t help anything. If you were the wrong-doer, realize what you did wrong and learn from it.
A couple of weeks ago, a guy I dated in high school texted me to apologize for cheating on me.
I had hardly heard from him and hadn’t seen him in over three years, but he went on to say he learned so much from the experience, and would never cheat on anyone again.
Live, learn and accept it.
5. Be willing.
You can’t start over if you don’t allow yourself to.
I often find myself dwelling over the past. I have an overly accurate memory, which makes it hard to forget things.
But I quickly realize I won’t move anywhere if I don’t try. Sitting in your house alone on a Saturday night won’t help you move on or meet new people.
So, when your friends are annoying you and trying to get you to go out with them, just do it.
While it’s very true the new person you’re seeing doesn’t want to hear you talk for hours about your ex, I do think it helps if you mention him or her.
We all have exes who are a part of who we are. I’d much rather tell someone about my past relationships and have him tell me about his than try to ignore the past all together.
7. Don’t try too hard.
I’ve found relationships always work themselves out. Don’t force yourself into a new relationship if you’re not ready.
If a new relationship is budding, let it bloom by itself.
Don’t make it happen too fast, and don’t try too hard. Take your time and enjoy the ride.