What's That Smell?
We all pass gas. I know there is a group of uppity people who are in denial. Trust me you fart. We may not hear it, but we can smell it. I'm a man, so that makes me an expert. Don't know why, but men are farting experts. Unlike my fellow "gassers" I'm aware of my environment when farting. Near an open flame is a real bad place to pass gas. Being an expert, I've decided to share my knowledge with the world. We begin with political ways to say fart.
A Message From Below, Apocalypse, Now Barked, Barking Spider, Bathtub Jacuzzi, Bench Burning, Bench Warmer, Biological Warfare, Blast Blow-Holes, Blowing Ye Butt Trumpet, Bottom Belch, Breaking Loose, Brown-Speak, Bucksnort , Butt Babble, Butt Chuckling, Butt Thunder, Chinese Barking Spiders, Colon-Speak, Crack Splitters, Creaky Floorboards, Cutting the Cheese, Disappointments From Down Under, Draw Mud, Dropped a Shoe, Elevator Evacuation, Flatulence, Floating an air biscuit, Fluff, Fragrantly Impaired, Gassius Assius, Gastronomically Expressive, Gravy pants , Gusty Windflap Gut Belch Gut Bubble Happy Honkers Heinee Burp Inverse Sniff Inverted Belching, Methane Exit, My Opinion , Natural Gas, Nature's little surprises , Nature's musical box, Obnoxious Coughing, Odiferous Objection, Ooh, that's a nasty cough, Oops! I let Fluffy off the leash, Paint-Peeling Predicament , Panty Burps, Pull My Finger, Rancid Reaction, Rancid Rebate, Revolting Release, Ripping the seat, Sheet Ripping, Smelly Snoring, Speak To Me ol 'Toothless One, The Great Brown Cloud, Thunder from Down Under, Tooters, Trouser Cough, Trouser Rippers, Tuba Tuning, Tunnel Trumpting, Unappreciated Air, Vulgar Vapor, Waiting to Exhale, Who dropped their guts, Who opened their lunch box, Woofer.
So now you are wondering what kind of people fart. Like I said, I'm an expert.
The vain person is the one who loves his own farts. The amiable person is the one who loves other people's farts. The proud person believes his farts are top of the line. The shy person does the silent farts and blushes. The impudent person farts loudly and laughs out loud. The unfortunate person wants to fart, but poops instead. The dishonest person will fart and blame the dog. The thrifty person will do many farts in succession. Never one fart with him. The sadistic person will fart in bed, then pull the covers over his bed mates head. Last is the intellectual person who can guess what you had to eat by the smell.
That's all for now. I do have more fart knowledge to pass around at a later date.Keep sniffing and you'll get a whiff of my next fart post.