This was an entry in my diary almost 10 years ago. Grandma has since returned to paradise but as I was reading it tonight I thought I would share it. This is how I keep her alive.

Never Alone

I want to be just like you when I grow to be a lady, the petite girl thought, as she sat and twisted her doll Meg’s hair. Meg had become her best friend in the whole wide world. Although just a simple doll, Meg was told every secret. Do you see her Meg, the little girl whispered? She is my grandma but I call her mom really because well...no one really gives me an answer why. You see I live with her. Not like other kids that live with their mom and dads. I live here with grandma and grandpa. She feels like a mom to me, just like I am to you Meg. Meg she is singing...do you hear her? When I grow up I want to be just like her.

In moments of silence as I sit and reflect on my childhood. I think of that little girl, sitting on the stairs. Her hand gently rocking her doll, as though it was her precious child. She was about 6 or 7 years of age but already setting goals for the future. The little girl on the stairs was I. Meg, my doll is long vanished, and I am not too certain I grew up to be like my grandmother Ruth. I do know that today my grandmother has become so much more to me. A mother, teacher, friend, nurse, and most of all, the strongest woman I have ever known. As I have aged so has my grandmother. Alzheimer’s has come and lingered over my grandmother for the past 6 years. It may look to others as though all of who grandma is has changed and very little remains the same, but to me I see in her sparkling eyes her smile. Her mind may sometimes seem off in a far off place but even so I can still see her spirit of liveliness as she giggles. To grandma its just another day, and I pray she will never see a tear for yesterdays gone by. Grandma is on a journey to heavens door and most precious of all I recall our talk during my last visit. I said "Grandma I love you" grandma said "What?” and turned her face towards mine. I said "Grandma I love you" Grandma nodded her head and said, "Of course you do".

For now if this is all that’s left it is enough. I watch you grandma as you hum a tune that sounds familiar to me. Now it is me who cannot remember the words. I know your spirit is peaceful. Time will not stop to allow us each to savor these moments with our loved ones. As each day passes inside her mind is slowly dying but I am not afraid. She will never be alone as long as I stay with her.