Sometimes there is no way to find an alternative for that one person in our life!
It is a long story to tell, but as a brief explanation; I miss a friend of mine whom I love very much. I miss the past version of us both!
I couldn't see her these days as easy as in the past. We have grown up together and have lots of good memories.
The story begun from the time we grew up and each one went after her destination and goals.
Maybe it was my fault, because I was the first to leave those days and share my days with the person I fall in love with. She also left those days very soon after me; She goes to study aboard and follow her dreams.
Today I remember the time when I was very young, Those days we used to fight a lot with each other, because of any nonsense issue! And of course I used all my power as an older sister to break her down. Besides fighting we had lots of fun and great memories with each other. But fighting was the only memory “Soraya” has always in mind when complaining of me!
I remember one day when I accidentally read a few papers of her diary (perhaps I should mention that it was a planned accident). The text was written about me and how despicable I was :( It was written so cruel that I felt how poor I am. Of course it also caused me to face my evil side.
This “accident” lead me to change a little bit and love her more, But loving her didn’t stop me from fighting her because of what she wrote about me in her diary!
It is about seven or eight years now that I couldn’t find a person like her. The one who stays awake till 3 in the morning with me, I do my paintings and she reads a poem book loudly with a note!, or laughing together to the poet who said whatever he/she liked as a poem, or writing jokes on our note books in the math class about the teacher who imagined himself like Einstein when talking about his studies on integrals or even laughing to the old writer guy in the Herat literacy council , who called himself “Son of Recabi (the old fuel lamps)*” with a very romantic pose!
There is no more any note book or teacher and not even our own self. Even Herat Cofee * has closed several years ago and I cannot even go there to refresh my memories. To remember the days when we just got familiar with Capo chino and Ice tea and used to go there friends style*. I must say, I still don’t know why people like Ice Tea!!!
The voice of Masih, my son is the music of the days of my life and my partner and friend is my husband now. Except “sometimes”, I am happy from what I decided in my life. But I don’t know how she spends her days? Is she satisfied with her life or no? is she content about decisions she has taken for her life? Is she happy in her personal life? I don’t know, could she find a friend to read poems for till 3 in the morning? Or a friend who agrees to share her bed with her (like “old me” always did for her) in the 2 am after she is scared watching a horror movie?
I don’t even know if she can find some free time to think about “old me” and remember our memories? Or even think about “old Soraya”? I worry about lots of things about her. But changing the time or deciding what should happen is out of my control. ain’t it sad?
*Son of Recabi – Recabi is the name of a kind of lamp in Afghanistan. The old writer claimed that he had spent all his life studying in the light of Recabi lamp to achieve his current position. Therefore he called himself Son of that lamp!
*Herat Coffee - A coffee shop in Herat located in front of Iran embassy, which is closed now.
* friends, the american series.