College & Questions

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I was this average engineering student who sits at the back of the class, along with everyone else who doesn’t understand how Maxwell’s equation could be used in real life. My seatmates were usually either asleep, playing with their phones or just staring blankly at the board in front of us. We were those students whom the professor picked when no one on his ‘front-liners’ (as we call them) couldn’t answer his questions. It wasn’t a surprise though that no one from our row could give an answer because as I’ve said, we were so ‘fascinated’ by our phones, our dreams (literally) or idea of going home instead. 

Graduation came and it was funny because if I were to give a speech in my head, all I could say is “I just want this ceremony to end so I can get some sleep because I’m definitely deprived of it for the last five years and five months of my life.”

Six months and two professional licenses later, I had no idea what to do with my life. It was like I’d been dreaming of just getting past that college graduation but I actually don’t have any plans after that. (I tell you guys - engineering is a soul-sucker. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you, kids). 

Mum and dad told me to go and get a job. I did. But it wasn’t what I pictured myself to be. The hardships I went through deserve more than an 8-hour corporate job, piles of taxes and government dues, apartment and utility bills and daily fare expenses. I thought I deserve freedom. 

Though I didn’t know what I actually want to be free from. 

Then, questions happened - left and right. Is this the right job for me? Is this the life that I want to have? What will happen if I find another job? Does high working hours equal high pay? Does high pay equal happiness? Oh the questions! They became voices in my head and ‘I’ll be okay’ was the ultimate lie I tell myself before I sleep at night. 

But then… 2 years after that… 

I find myself thriving, still surviving, still alive. (and obviously writing this blog)

I guess that’s how life works. If you want to learn and find yourself, you need to prepare for the worst. Life will suck in your head. There will be times when you’re doing okay but deep in your thoughts, you’re already thinking that you’re going through the worst. Well, sleep it off. Then tomorrow, wake up and start fresh. If you still feel bad, just show up at work, do something good for you and your company, then sleep it off again tonight. Life wouldn’t get better unless you do. 

So for the fresh grads, don’t hurry life. Let it come to you. Let it happen to you. Let it be you. 





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