People in Pakistan are always embroiled in a rat race against each other. So many diverse groups, so many opinions and such diverse backgrounds; in such an environment, I am glad we have an objective way of judging better people from the worse: how good one’s English is.

Spoken English is without doubt the ultimate criterion to judge a person here. Has somebody made an incredibly logical point on Facebook that you find irrefutable by their use of ‘there’ instead of ‘their’? Bingo, you win. Their point has been rendered moot and you have been declared the winner of this debate by virtue of you correcting them.

Your use of ‘there, their and they’re’ is far superior to theirs, so it logically follows that you not only possess more intellect but belong to a much more evolved strain of human beings.

One spelling mistake is all it takes to render any argument completely and utterly useless.

Also read: Jimmy nay socha: English

What is the point of even going out for dinner if I cannot laugh at the way the waiter says ‘Fajita’ or ‘Lasagna’? If I am in a particularly good mood, I make my best move: ask them if they have ‘hors d'oeuvres’, and then sit back and watch them struggle to repeat the word.

We should all go around asking people to say that and make videos of them. We could call it the hors d'oeuvres challenge.

If you’ve ordered the wrong thing but do not want to admit your mistake, you could simply shout at the waiter in English. What's he going to do? He can't argue back in English, right?