• I am forming a new friendship. Yes, an actual, full-bodied, friendship. I prefer not to let my mouth quickly refer to someone as a “friend.” After all, it must be carefully earned, right? There is a particular discomfort in that quickness, that boldness to be so declarative so suddenly, but no, not here; there is a twinge of awe though. Perhaps something else intermingled in, but awe, yes.

• I have to adjust myself to the sound of concern in her voice when she quickly scans my unsmiling, brooding face, or when my silence sounds imbued with hints of sadness. She casts a side-eye glance. Asks, “what’s wrong?” I am taken aback, invariably. I resist to voice my immediate thought. “Oh, you care, don’t you? When did this happen?”

• I care, too. Very much. My insides are adjusting their selves to creating more room to trust someone with viewing the wonder and terror of who I am. I think she is doing the same. She reminds me to breathe. I remind her to relax. I think this is the same thing. I don’t know when this happened.

• I am believing in possibility again. Did you know that hope is a staining thing? That full removal is difficult if not impossible? That it is impossibly beautiful?

• I love fully. It is consuming. It is a blessing, a relief, a wonder. Everyone is not, will not, be ready and I will not always deem someone deserving. I am working tirelessly to remember that neither is worth lamenting.

• I am creating distance. I am watching the formation of chasms between me and people I care about. I am ok. Their panic, indifference, their whatever. It is theirs. I will not cradle what does not belong to me. Will not coax someone into bravery. I don’t know who has time, but I don’t.