It is not about losing arguments or debates with people outside, it is about losing a fight with my own self that frightens me….
I’m not shattered when people hurt me, but I’m devastated from within when I hurt my own self…
It’s when I lie to my own self about myself, it’s when I make empty promises and try to fool my heart.
It’s not the provocations or allegations they put on me, it’s the evil laugh I hear after I do things wrong, that nearly kills me.
Everything and every person connected ‘to’ me is because ‘of’ me….It is I who have poured my soul out to them, I, who have built them castles in my own heart….I, who have given them the power to hurt me…I, who have become so attached to them as if I own them….
Why should I blame them for things that I’m responsible and for??
It’s as if I have committed a murder and m now saying that someone else asked me to…Remember, It’s the murderer who is punished and charged with the crime so it’s useless to blame them.
What I have so far failed to understand is that I’m the master of my own soul and solely I shall be accountable and responsible for its doings. I’m the controller of my own body, no one can make me do things unless I intend to. I can guard my own tongue, my vision, my hearing… No one can force me to say things I don’t want to…I can always close my eyes and shut my ears to protect myself from things unwanted.
Battles don’t always need physical enemies or foes. They can go on within you, every moment, every day. It’s when you kill a desire of yours, it’s when you break your own heart to shatter the evil from tempting, it’s when you resist your own negative emotions; block your adverse thought patterns. It is then that you persist and the evil is defeated. It is a fight that each one of us is a part of, and consciously or unconsciously all are fighting. It is one war that we all should try our level best to win otherwise we will be doomed not only in this world but in the hereafter. This is why Islam has termed ‘jihad-bin-nafz’ as ‘jihad-e-akbar’.
The day you truly understand what life is all about, you would detest it; just as a child who always wants to run away from examinations…
May the Almighty give us strength and courage to win this self-war!