This is my Love story, not sure if this is love or what. Pleas enjoy
I am 18 years old. I am average 3rd year IT student at the university. I had girlfriend and lots of friends to talk to and consult. I am also a musician in many orchestras around the province. Everyone around me was very friendly and helpful, they help me during my study and sometimes ask whether I come for a dinner under their dorm. My life was happy, everything was in the right way.
Till sometimes later in my life, I broke up with my girlfriend. My friends start to think that I have no time for them for example study after class or have some foods before I go home, because at that time I have many things to get it done such as concert schedule, part time job, study(my grades for midterm are in about average), family and etc, so they start to leave me by myself. Everyday when I come to my faculty, no one greeting me like before. Once I have math problem, no one bother to give me any key(I know that let someone do problem for you is not helpful) and I keep struggle and so on.
I come home and have a conversation with my ex, realised that she has new one and start to fade out and hardly ever chat to me through Skype. So yeah, everything is gone wrong. It was really really terrible and effect everything in my life.
The clearest effect that caused from that is I become so cold-blooded and so devoid. It reaches the point that when I walk pass pretty student in my faculty, I feel empty and thinking I am not worth her I am not handsome not smart like others. Some day I become hallucinogen thinking randomly why no one love me and stuff. I was so lonely and really isolated in my own room with one gaming computer. I think that there is a method to avoid the reality which is play computer game, which I did. I play computer game since 11pm till like 4am everyday. It goes worse, when i go to faculty, my friends see me like a walking dead. They didn’t say much but just told me to reduce playing game and more sleep. Finally I have depression and Insomnia.
Later on, while i was checking facebook and instagram. I saw my old friend in the instagram. Her name “Prim”, She is my friend since I was in International School and she is in high status family. Since year 9 during registration time (8.40am) I came to school like 7.20 to sleep for a while. I met her came inside the classroom with her friends, she’s so cute and lovely. Her smile is so pure and makes me fall in love. Then we start to talk, since at that time I was using msn to communicate with her, took me about 2 months to get used to each other. One day I was planned to confess her after school finish, unfortunately and obviously, my whole year friends knew that I was interesting with her. There are 2 sides, support me and anti me to go for her. Her friends might told her(My thought). It is real, then I went on normal habit of msn with her. Then she asked me “Do you really like me?” The most stupid answer I gave to her was “no”. And then we didn’t ever talk again and everyday was so awkward. Later, I finished IGCSE and left school to the university(my university minimum requirement is IGCSE) while she was doing her A-level till year 13.
First year of university(Freshy), 3 years later since year 9. I was brave enough to message to her in facebook. Good thing that she replied me. We recovered our conversation, everything was getting better and better. We became close-friend at last.
My another friend from another school (long lost friend) called me to congrats that I got the university. I introduced Prim to him. Somehow, my friend start to fall in love with her, so then I become a Matchmaker for them both. It took me about 3 months and finally they became couple. They were happy and love each other so much. As I was a matchmaker for them, I was happy too.
Another 9 months, they broke up. I was trying to convince them to come back but failed. So they separated, also they studied in the different university which was really far from each other, but both were studying Bachelor of Business Administration and Prim got education scholarship. During that time, I was really busy on study and work so I had no time to contact both of them from first year to second year of my university’s life.
On second year of my study, it had been a long time since I talked to her, so I contact her via app Line, she responded. We talked for like a month now, then she told me that she got her new boyfriend which he was her senior(Senior in her university have to take care of the first year that come from election, so those senior will give them their used text book or notes). She was in relationship with him for 3 months (which is before I contact her via Line). At that time, as I am her close friend, I congratulate her. Logically, she has her boyfriend; we talk to each other for about couple months then we fade away.
From now on, according to what I write from the beginning till now, my life was in critical and so depression. The only thing I can think is her. She is only one who can cheer my life up with her smile. I really miss her so much, I contact her. Something inside me told me that she is the one who will change my world. I talk to her for a month now; I try to flirt her like before. I sent a doll for her birthday and also I made albums of her picture to impress her. Everything is smooth, but then during Line chat, I asked her why come back to condo so late, she replied that she went to meet her “boyfriend” at the faculty. At that point, I am so empty till now. Everything in the past. I felt really aggrieved, asked myself why always be me why not me. In the past, I cheered everything for her, and now, I am really depressed of what I did in the past.
I don’t know how I am going to stay in this world though. I want to be everything for her although I am not in a high status people. I am scared that whether my life and status worth her or not. Every time we talk to each other, she always cheers me up when I am down. I really love her but it would be impossible to be with each other. Is this one sided love?? Nowadays, my life still haunted by my past life of her and I. What I did and have done.
Thank you for reading my story and sorry for the grammar, I am not 1st language English
