So Had awesome plans to go to first Single Ladies Club and 2nd cooking club meet up today after Zumba. Then got stuck waiting for a water heater that showed up after 6pm tonight. Now waiting until tomorrow until it will be installed. I had to cancel both meet up s but made a sarcastic comment that cooking club could come to me. You know what they actually did. I was ready to make bhindi masala for the second time and ended up not cooking. Just opened up my place to the 2 guys. Both are awesome cooks. I tried my hand at rolling out chappati. Wasn't perfect but ok for first try. At first K was roaming my place and always ended up on the terrace enjoying the breeze. S cooked so much food from home that it couldn't be finished. I may not host more meet ups at my place because I have limited chairs and cooking stuff. Ended up showing my Tbird dance videos and some pictures before dinner. Another night with whiskey but after wicked heart burn from alcohol and spicy I did not over indulge. I still for see tomorrow being rough. Praying for no heart burn tomorrow and gym is a must. Tried a different version of mashed potato which was good but salty. Felt like a guest in my own place. Only I could let that happen. One person brought food the other cooked and brought whiskey. What did I do? Sit back and chill. What kind of host am I. After they left I reflect back on a talk from my aunt and uncle about being soft maybe too soft. I vent online but no balls to speak out in the hear and now. Leads to boiling over which definitely happened last year. Reflecting back Edwin was right when I feel I can dominate a conversation or situation I do but then I shrink when in the presence of more dominant individuals and catering to them. Awesome food, great company but please no more whiskey and next time I should just cook at my place and bring it with me so I don't feel like a free loader. Why did I join meet ups in Hyderabad when I joined in NY and never showed up now I show up but is it for the right reasons. I feel isolated in Aparna and the fellows came here once. I don't see them coming back but I don't see myself going out of my way to visit them. Last minute doesn't fly with me when I'm not cool with you like that. This has turned into just a rambling post when it was supposed to be about the 2nd cooking club meetup. Small group of 6 where 3 showed up last week plus a spouse and 3 this week but different person this time. Lesson of the day: Say it like it is. My problem I don't think about it until after the fact. I ignore how I feel and just go in the moment but after it ends sometimes it's like wtf why did I let that fly.