Battling anxiety: The Pakistani Ironman's story

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I was born in Saudi Arabia but raised in Karachi, Pakistan most of my life. Growing up, my education comprised of multiple facets involving extracurricular activities. Being consistently active, and maintaining physical endurance was always something I excelled at. Throughout my high school years, I was captain of both the volleyball and cricket teams.

After high school, I moved to the US in 2002, coping with the typical struggles of fitting into a new world and the challenges of getting accustomed to a different society and lifestyle. My typical work day comprised of working two jobs and attending college. Throughout my years at the university, I was strongly focused on graduating and starting a career.

I graduated college in 2007 and started my career with a business process outsourcing company. I've been with the company for the past 13 years, and have progressed within the organisation; currently, I hold a senior level leadership position in I.T. and infrastructure.

My career took a great turn after college, but my health not so much.

Everyday, I found myself fatigued, restless and panicking, to a point where I didn't feel comfortable leaving my home. In fact, I was getting chest pains and several panic attacks, and they gradually became unbearable. Over the course of a year, I was diagnosed with anxiety.

Also read: A page from the diary of a job hopper

Moments of anxiety would really take a toll on me: I would experience flashes of immense muscle tensions, fatigue, and shortness of breath. At the time, I didn’t realise the seriousness of these day-to-day occurrences. What finally triggered me to seek help was the new and uneasy sensation of my heart palpitating rapidly.

I sought professional help through counseling with physicians. Unfortunately, even with their assistance, I was not able to overcome it. In one such instance during my counseling, I was on the treadmill at the local gym, doing my usual five-mile pace, when I realised I had to immediately stop. This routine was very normal for me, but something inside felt very wrong.

Though I read literature, and talked about my condition with others (which did help), nothing seemed to fully heal me. I spent time researching online, reading journals, and browsed hundreds of articles on the internet for similar stories, to see if my situation was out of the ordinary. And that was when I understood that the antidote was not medication or the frequent visits to my doctor, I knew at that point that I had to take control and make a conscious mental change within myself.

That is when I started keeping myself occupied with my ambitions and hobbies, which primarily involved working out and weight lifting.

The change seemed to work. I started to develop a new form of interest: a passion for being highly active and physically fit, more than I ever thought I was before. With this newly acquired focus, I took up bodybuilding. Over the next few years, I sought mentorship and competed in a national championship in 2011, ranking third overall in the middleweight division. Later, I aimed to achieve additional nutritional excellence and was certified as a Personal Fitness Instructor.

During this period in my life, I noticed a big change in my health, and gradually, my anxiety subsided.

See: I'm not going to let my disorder define me

In the summer of 2014, I was strolling through the streets when I stumbled upon signage for the Ironman Triathlon. After looking into the competition and what it entailed, I decided participate, train hard and dedicate everything to it.

For those not familiar, the Ironman Triathlon is one of the most well-respected physical and mental endurance competitions in the world. To put it into perspective, less than one per cent of the total world population that competes in the elusive three-sport challenge, actually completes it successfully. It comprises of a 3.86 km swim, 180.24 km bike ride, and a blistering 42.16 km final run.

On May 16, 2015 with a 15:39:41 completion time, I achieved what was an incredible feat for me. With a dual Pakistan/USA flag across my back, I was the first Pakistani American to do it at the Ironman North American Championship Texas 2015.

When I first thought about participating in this race, I most dreaded the swimming challenge. 'It's going to be a nightmare,' I thought, as I’ve never really swam much over the years. Running was another obstacle, as I had never ran more than five km at a stretch either. My strength, however was biking, and I knew that as my strongest leg in the contest, this would be my anchor to gain valuable time.

With only three hours of sleep the night before, and the countless struggles and emotional heartaches that I had endured, and above all, in loud response to my anxiety disorder, I couldn’t be prouder to bear the title of Ironman.

As Thomas Edison once said,

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.



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