Another year had passed and you’re still troubled by a relationship that ended years ago. Every time you bump into your ex, you become highly emotional. The whole thing is dragging on too long and you feel ruined again. A part of you holds out hope you could get back together and you fear you won’t meet anyone else like him. Nothing could comfort you more than your tear-stained and snot-soaked pillow – why can’t you just get over it?
That's just a symbol of how you should deal with a breakup. You can cry for a little bit, eat some ice cream, but I think, after that, it's like, get up, listen to some powerful music and do something that makes you happy, be productive.
Half of you wants to cry while the other half would do anything to get rid of those feelings. Befriend the part of you that gets emotional, it’s normal to feel how you feel. There’s a strong emotional fallout when the relationship ends suddenly. The promises are broken and we are forced to give up something we treasure most. This is a large-scale mental revision, and this is confusing and for sure, very painful.
Loving someone doesn’t mean that they're good for you, face this reality squarely. You can still have a happy life, even with great sorrow in your heart, and even while carrying the loss. Your heart is stronger than you know and it’s designed to handle being broken. Breakups can make even the strongest people feel like they’re worthless or not good enough, but you can do something to speed the mending of your broken heart. Given below are the ways to help yourself heal from the painful past.
1. ACCEPT that the relationship is OVER.
Even if you didn’t end it, accept your role in the breakup. Take complete responsibility and accountability for every part that you played in the relationship but never blame yourself for the other person’s actions. It’s almost reverse-narcissistic to blame yourself that much so stop wondering what you did wrong. Relationships end for good reasons and the problem wasn’t just you, it was you two as a couple. Maybe one of you wasn’t happy or getting what you wanted, and now, you have a fresh start to do it right next time. You can’t change your ex’s feelings but you can change yourself. Take this time to fortify your character and make yourself grow stronger.
2. GRIEVING is a process of HEALING.
When you realize you've been dumped, it feels like death. Face your negative emotions as they arise, it sets you free from the pit of despair. Repressing your grief can result in depression, anxiety, and the feeling of being stuck. Allow yourself to embrace the pain if you ever want to move past it. Don’t try to avoid what you feel, emotions are there for a reason. Remember, it’s okay to cry like mad until it hurts no more.
3. CUT OFF all contact and BLOCK him.
When you just break up with someone, your emotions are all over the place and it can send you into a spiral of obsessively stalking him on social media. Seeing him pop up in your Instagram stories and Facebook feed will make you miss him desperately. If the temptation is too much, just block him. In this kind of situation, absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. Absence is exactly what you need to process your feelings and to get emotional clarity.
4. LIVE in an EX-FREE environment.
You can donate or throw away the things that remind you of your ex. But how about the expensive jewelry or photos from a vacation you took together? You can try to use a “breakup box” where you can put keepsakes you might want in the future but too painful to see right now. Save all your couples photos from Facebook to a flash drive that you can store in the “breakup box.” You don’t need to burn everything since, after all, this relationship was part of your life experience.
5. FORGIVE and DON’T hold a grudge.
Regardless of what happened to end your relationship, don’t shit-talk your ex too much. Sure it feels good to trash talk your ex with your besties, but happiness need not be contingent on someone else’s pain and suffering. Don’t spend that time bad-mouthing him and just be thankful for the lessons you have learned instead. Let those negative feelings go and replace your hatred with gratitude.
6. Have FUN in finding your SUPPORT CIRCLE.
You might spend less time with your friends as you enjoy the company of your partner, but being single again means you can have quality time with your friends. Spend time catching up with people you care about. By doing this, it will bring back a sense of normalcy to your life and it will remind you of all the people you have in your corner. Hang out with people who appreciate you the most. When your self-esteem is at an all-time low, your family and friends can help empower you while you work on defining your own self-worth.
7. DON’T get drunk alone, CALL a friend.
When you’ve just broken up with someone, your heart flipped over and exploded like a tanker in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. You get all nihilistic, it’s the worst being alone and sad and drunk. At least be sad with people you love because they will never judge you for drinking wine with dirty hair, in Family Guy pajamas. If you want to drunk-text, your friends are there to take your phone away. Drunk-texting an ex is a big NO. Him replying, “nothing,” to your booze-fueled, “sup,” doesn’t mean that he still has feelings for you.
8. It’s time for SOUL-SEARCHING.
It’s common to lose yourself in a relationship where you became used to “we” instead of “me.” Every breakup means you have time to find yourself again. Spoil yourself: watch a marathon of your favorite anime series, cook the favorite meal that your ex hated, or spend an hour in a bubble bath. Use this opportunity to rediscover your hobbies and become more tune with the person you once were. Trust the process and believe that everything is going to be fine.
9. Feel BETTER and choose HAPPINESS.
By this point, you’ve been crying your eyes out for days and you might even forget to wash your hair. This is the perfect time to get out of your house and refuse to spend every day drowning in misery. Your ex doesn’t determine your happiness so stop wasting your time crying over someone who doesn’t worth the tears. It’s a cliché, but taking a trip really does clear your head. Leave your Cave of Forgotten Dreams and do something entirely new. Give yourself the time you need to heal and you’ll get better as time goes by.
A breakup is an inevitable shock to the system as it shakes up everything you’ve become accustomed to. At some point, you’ll probably wonder what went wrong, what you could have done differently, and why you weren’t good enough. If you’re currently in the trenches of a potent heartbreak, having a broken heart really sucks. The unfortunate truth is that it’s going to continue to suck – until it doesn’t.
There are things you can do to make it a little less painful in the meantime. Focus on the fact that you’ll grow from this experience and grief does shape you in big ways. Just because it’s over for your relationship doesn’t mean it’s the end of your life. There will be so many more people you’ll encounter and so many more things to experience. If you let yourself dwell in the past, you’re neglecting what you can do to be happier now and in the future. Getting over a breakup is hard but don’t forget that you’re stronger than your heartbreak.
Recognize your self- worth and realize that you deserve real love. Even though your relationship may have ended, don’t consider yourself a failure because of that. It may seem impossible to think that you will ever love again, but there are many other people out there waiting to meet you. This sense of loss can open the door to amazing possibilities in life. In the midst of heartbreak, as yourself this compelling question: “What else is possible now that wasn’t possible when we were together?” Breakup leads to something greater, prepare yourself to move forward!
Thank you for reading and have a great day.
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