Ever feel like going through life without expectations so that there is no risk of something not meeting your expectations. This attitude is flawed because as you experience disappointments at a particular moment you realize you had subconscious expectations. I tend to say I have no expectations which means I would not have grounds to complain. I have heard that instead of complaining one should come up with solutions. I can identify personal problems but fail to look for the solutions. I am no problem solver but just a complainer. I thought coming to India would be great but in my 3rd week I feel like my family was right. Not the family that said I was crazy for moving to a developing country for 6 months but the relatives that tried to get me to dig deep and explain what do I expect to get out of India. Then and now I fail to be able to articulate what I want out of India. Initially I figured great 6 months out of the workforce and time to figure out my life. I sit at home every day waiting for work. I don't know how to be a change maker without having met all the staff. Maybe I need to tune into life and absorb all the information given in order to figure out what next. Today felt like a waste because I've sat on Youtube all day and for an hour created a newsletter in Publisher granted I didn't write the content.  If I don't change my attitude I feel that I am doomed. What is my breaking point that will force me to change. Some say turn your passion into a career. What is my passion? Is it that I have an innate selfish quality that does has disabled me. I say I want to do xyx but then tomorrow it will be abc. I try and be a good friend and relative but sometimes feel like I failed everyone. Being me doesn't seem enough since yes everyone has struggles my struggles are not unique to me but how do I get rid of my struggles. Ignoring them and helping others with theirs is a temporary fix of ok I feel accomplished but these days I just feel like I am wafting through life without really ever feeling accomplished and productive. I complain but yet I don't change anything. Ok my next post needs to be relevant to the work I am doing and more positive if there is such a thing as more positive for me.