Can you imagine when you looking at delicious cake in front of you at fancy shop. And you want to just touch it, feel it smooth cream on your finger and then you put it on your mouth to taste what it’s feel like when its melt inside your mouth …Hmmm…
Wait stop! Because its just your imagination for running to wild because now you just standing in front of glass that separate you from your lovely cake. But your desire to high in your veins. You want it like you need air for breath. Until you realize that glass to thich to trought it and you can’t have it couse you don’t even have money to buy it. And of course you end up just looking at it with your drooling pathetic face .
Yeah that’s what exactly like what I’m feeling for my major crush Anwar. The son of my boss at work
He stood over there like the world doesn’t matter if it falling apart. And here i am falling hard deep wit all my weak heart as if already shattered into pieces at the sight of all his glory. I can’t even dare to go near him I am afraid I’ll be faint or the worse possibilities i will make an awkward tension and humiliating my self… Or him.
It’s start 2 days ago when i have conversation with my girlfriends after work before we headed over our place. At first it’s a normal daily chat until my friend Ita said:
“how georgous ahmad today, right” she said with dreamy eyes. She always like that when she talking about Ahmad. Her crush. And I respect her for so openly with showing her feeling unlike me of course to chicken out to admit the truth.
“maybe” i respond not taking much effort in it.
“oh come on, don’t you think Ahmad a lot better than his brother?”
That snape me from my calmness to the edge of mountaine, how dare she judge my lovely Anwar after his little brother. He is even compare with any man in this world even Eza gionino! Before i have time to filter my big mouth
“I think he’s calmness is cool” i snape. Silence… And they began burst out laughing until one of my friend Nia said “i will tell him you said he’s cool” she poke me and then continue to lough again. What did she say? Oh no no no… Oh my god no way. I start to panic
“no mean.. I didn’t mean it like that… I mean it’s like he just… Like cool when… He…” I stop in the middle of my shtater sentence because the look of both of my friend were broke all of the secret I’ve been holding in my entire life
“oh my god you like him!” Nia shouted with her piercing sound. I am swear if we’re at building it probably be collapse by now. I froze dead at my track i didn’t know what to do should I denied it or just shrugged it it of like this comment doesn’t affect me a little bit. But this is real life sometimes what we want it’s not what happened like what we plan it to be. So i am speechless and sweating like i am running hundred miles away. And just like that my friend know without bothering to hear my pathetic excuses trying to denied what they like assuming about me liking the man who I can’t handle when he knows about me liking him . Oh god what I’ve got myself into?
The next day I already forgotten about last night. The truth is i am worried all night long thinking how i will behave with all the possibilities for tomorrow. Now it’s increase a little bit when i think my friends also forget to tell the victim Anwar. Hmm… Where is he anyway I didn’t see him today. And now it’s already noon and we have to prepare for going home not that I complain for going home after this hard work all day. But I missed him even just for 10 minute the longest time i can see him. It’s good enough for my heart benefit.
When we just about to waiting for our daily payment. He show up from behind me. I jump a little. Thank to much for my healthy heartbeat cause right now I swear I can hear it like it’s about to burst out of my chest. Before i have time to steady my heart I hear the most humiliating sound I’ve ever heard. All my girlfriend chooing over me and him. I didn’t know what’s going on until Ita whisper in my ear
“we already told him” she said and then continue with making the weirdest noises. I frozen in my place I guess my face like tomato right now but i can’t think straight what i must be doing right now. I glance at Anwar direction he’s smiling like angel as always how I wish he always smile like this. He even rarely talk. Oh yeah right back to reality I can’t hold it anymore so i did the only immature way my brain come up with. I run away
It’s been days after that embarrassing moment I am trying to behave like a normal person. But I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about he’s smile, he’s walk everything about him make my knee weak. I just wanna swoon after him every time i see him. I’ve got it bad each day it’s much harder than before to control my feeling so I decide to just man up and have a move on him.
At first he was always respond all my massage or email but I don’t know what I did wrong after a few days to get to know him he just stop and won’t reply me. Maybe he realize that i am not worth it. He realize i am not compare with him in anyway. He’s like the prince and i am just a poor slave. I know this is real world and i must wake up from my dream this is not fairytale so i made this note:
The things i should hate about you
1. Ignorant jerk
2. Not humorist
3. Not have good height for a man
4. He’s doesn’t care about anything but himself
5. Never greet anyone
6. He rarely to smile and its rude, you know!
7. At first sight everybody will say “is he a human?”
8. I’m sure he’s a fool walking zombie
9. Absolutely don’t have much friend beside him except they seek for purposes (rich people syndrome)
10. He’s a capricorn cold hearted
11. I’m guessing he doesnt have any women who adores him, except me. Darn it!
12. And i must be losing my mind to be attracted by someone like this bastard.
Who doesnt even want to glance at my direction every time i drooling over him. Yeah I mess up like that. Every single day, a minute a second.
I’ve been thingking 24/7 about him. How can i still loving him with all this rejected, humiliation, heartbroken. I prayed all day for god to make my feeling for him to go away. But lucky me because it’s like a story has never ending I always ends up with another heart broken.
Will my feeling go away eventually?