Be Cool friend

Posted on at


You know how being needy turns off potential dates? This is just as true for potential friendships; being too eager, pushing being friends too hard or generally acting desperate is going to drive people away faster than just about any other behavior you can think of. Much as with dating, somebody who is too eager to make friends is usually displaying low emotional intelligence which is an all-around turn off in relationships, whether platonic or otherwise. It implies that there’s a reason why they have few (or no) friends – and most people aren’t going to want to stick around to confirm that suspicion. It also gives the impression that the needy person is going to be expecting a higher level of emotional commitment and investment than the potential friend might be willing to give. When someone is acting needy or pushy to make friends, it suggests that the new friend is going to be providing for the majority of his or her social needs, which is a lot of pressure to dump on someone you’ve only just met and barely know.

"It's just a beer dude. We're not getting married."

“It’s just beers dude. We’re not getting married.”

And in fairness: it can be hard not to come across as too eager, especially if you have relatively few friends. Making new friends is awesome and exciting! It’s a great feeling! But letting yourself get caught up in the new friendship rush2 can open you up to disappointment. After all, people can have asymmetrical levels of friendship; one person may think that the other is their BFF while the latter thinks the former is a cool guy but not be the first on his “people to hang out with” rolodex. Finding out that the person you were assuming was your new potential best man doesn’t feel the same about you can seriously hurt and leave you wondering whether you’re really friends at all.

Cultivating an attitude of cautious interest , at least at first, until you’re closer and hang out more often, is often best. You like ‘em – after all, you want to be friends – but your life doesn’t necessarily revolve around them.

About the author