We are all sorry when loss comes for us. The test of our character comes not in how many tears we shed but on how we act after those tears have dried"--Michelle Moran
On the morning of January 8, 2013, a bad news came, a heart-breaking news.
My youngest sibling died, cause of death was cardiac arrest while teaching. She was just 25 that time, she is young, just started her teaching career.
It hit me, us hard. We are heart-broken all of a sudden.
After less than seven years, here we are again, grieving for a loved one, who have joined the Creator, in the most surprising way.
Yes, third death of the family, our mother on June 29, 2003, our father on October 18, 2006 and our youngest sister, January 8, 2013. Deaths and dates have a rhyming sound but it doesn't sound good to my ears.
From that day, my sister died, for the first time, I have the real meaning of grief on my system and for the longest time.
But what is Grief?
*Image is credited to rapportinrelationships.blogspot.com
Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something that is important to you. The feeling of different kind of emotions like sadness or loneliness and for various reasons. It can be caused by losing a loved one, losing a job or a relationship has ended.
According to Joan Didion, GRIEF, when it comes, nothing like we expect it to be. Grief, has no distance. Grief comes in waves, paroxysms, sudden apprehensions that weaken the knees and blind the eyes and obliterate the dailiness of life.
For me, Grief is something I can not escape, I have to take, until it breaks the whole of me. The feeling that pain never stops, and the bleeding is unstoppable.
Thinking that there is just too much on me, until I heard about the stages of grief, and somehow I understand what grieving is.
What are the five stages of Grief?
This is the first stage of grief. On that morning of January 8, after hearing the news, I kept on moving around, cleaned the house but feels like there was no reason for me to do it. And when I think of what I have learned about my sister, I sat down, cry and cry and screamed from the top of my lungs. That my neighbors came and asked me why I have been crying and screaming, for I am the silent type of person.
I was shocked, caught by surprise. For just few days before she goes back to work, we went out, bonded like just a normal siblings, we eat and laugh together.
The stage where pain eats me up. Frustrated and felt helpless. I was angry because I have always prayed hard that God will keep my siblings safe and sound, healthy and happy, and learning about my sister's death is just pretty maddening.
Yes, for the first of my life, I asked God, why her, why not those heartless people. She had just started her life, she just having a good time teaching high school students.
My faith hanged by a very thin thread.
Grief is an unfillable hole in your body. It should be weightless, but it's heavy. Should be cold, but it burns. Should, overtime, close up, but instead it deepens"--Emily Henry
Since our parents died, me and my siblings have to rely on each other, giving that support to every dreams they wanted to reach, morally and financially. With the history of our family with regards to health, my prayers would be that they will always be safe and sound, nothing will harm them or put them in danger, and for me
When I heard about the heart breaking news, I prayed to God that it is not real, that my sister is fine, and if she had survived it, I will be more religious. Yes, I made a deal with God, I am very in very deep desparation. Asking that He will make her live and be with us, or do miracle. I am in dire need of His mercies that time.
After her burial, I was left alone. Felt empty and loney. I will be crying a river for the whole day. That I will talk to her like she and I are having a conversation even if I am just looking at her picture on the wall.
Even just a simple glimpse of some of her stuff, I would be sulking. The pain won't just go away, wish I get some anaesthesia to make me numb. Overwhelming memories. Knowing that the only thing that I have now are those good memories of her.
Final stage of grief.
She is gone. I will not be able to see her again, maybe in my dreams that she had once did. I have accepted that is now the reality. Despite the fact that it had taken me so long to have the truth sink in and be finally I can move on, at least I have reached the final stage.
Grief, no matter how you try to cater its wail, has a way of fading away" V.C. Andrews
Coping and Moving and Seeing the Brighter side of life.
Once in a while, I can not help to cry if someone triggers the memories of her, like her birthday, and her death anniversary. It is okay, I give into tears, but after the crying, I felt much better. Feels like the tears have washed away the pain and smiling is more sincere and it gets into my eyes.
After her death, something have started to happen, our family have set dates when they will be coming home for a vacation and sort of have a family reunion. Spending more time now with the family and have the best of time.
Grief is a matter of the heart and soul. Grieve your loss, allow it in, and spend time with it. Suffering is the optional part. Love never dies, spirit knows no loss. Keep in mind, that a broken heart is an open heart"--Louise Hay
To those who are grieving, I will share you this line from Dick McHugh, "The more you resist, the more it persists. The more you accept, the more it transforms". Look around you, your family and friends, talk about your pain and you will be getting some help.