HOW TO SURVIVE HALLOWEEN?

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 Here they come! Trick-or-treaters…storming towards your home, pounding on your door while begging and pleading for tiny pieces of candy in exchange for your survival from their vengeful little hands capable of T.P.-ing and destroying your beautiful home with eggs. Happy Halloween anyone?

Even though I may be slightly exaggerating, many of us take pride in our Halloween festivities by decorating our homes with all sorts of goblins, skeletons, witches and pumpkins, changing into gory costumes and welcoming all who dare enter our scary humble abodes, while the other half of the population absolutely dreads the thought of Halloween.

 So for those of us who are not so keen on celebrating Halloween with children banging on your door for candy, I give you to you, a gift from the kindness of my heart, a survival guide for Halloween. So, let’s start.

 You have a couple of options available depending on your opinion of Halloween. If you don’t want to be bothered in any shape or form and do not live in an isolated area you can either shut off all of the lights close the curtains and sit in darkness for the remainder of the night or… leave a simple sign outside your door that says “no Trick or Treat” or something slightly more amusing like “Grandma forgot the Candy! Sorry, we’ll try next year, Happy Halloween!”

 Another option to consider if you don’t want to be bothered, leave a giant pumpkin filled with candy outside your door that reads “Be kind & Share, or Else…” or “I’m watching you!” Buahahahaha! The great thing about candy on Halloween is that it is a lot cheaper and comes in bite sized pieces.

 Now why should you follow any one of these tips? Simply because nobody enjoys the “Debbie Downer” on the block aka the person that ruins the spirit of a holiday; which will only result in reckless teenage behavior and damage to your home.

 Oh and please, don’t try to be ironic by giving kids floss or packets of toothpaste and toothbrushes as treats; this will only hurt you not help you. Unless you’re dressed as a dentist, which is quite clever.

 Other than that, I wish you all a safe and very, very Happy Halloween!



About the author

stella-downer

Brooklyn-based Margaret Skowronska is a St. Francis College Communications and Business graduate with an intense curiosity that fuels her drive. She strongly follows the inspirational words of Norman V. Peale, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”

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