In my last blog, I've discussed the part 3 of the Dale Carnegie book, How to win friends and influence people. In this blog, I'm going to discuss the part four of the book that is on how to be a leader and change people without giving them offense and stirring up resentment in them for you. Well, this is the last part of the book, and personally my favorite one.
Part IV: Being a leader and changing people without giving offense and resentment
Most of the people in their leadership forget that their action and emotional decision and give people offense and stir up resentment for them in people. In this part, the author has described nine principles which every leader should follow, if he does not want to give people offense and stir up resentment for himself in people. In this blog, I'm going to discuss four principles and remaining five I'm going to discuss in the next blog.
Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Every day in the business world, employees make mistakes and some of them are too big to ignore. In that situation, you cannot ignore the mistake, but the problem is if you tell the employee with an authority that he should never ever dare to do that again, as being someone employee he wouldn't say much, but in deep down, his boss has stirred up the resentment in him for himself.
What should be done in the situation like this is not that you should tell him with your authority, but instead try to begin with praising him and try a honest one not just flattery and you'll see that even after that you tell him what he has done wrong, still you wouldn't stir up resentment for yourself in him. So it is important for you to begin with a praise and appreciation if you find a mistake in someone.
Principle 2: Call attention to people's mistake indirectly
There might be some situation where you cannot use the first principle if you find yourself in that situation you can try the second principle. When you find someone doing a mistake or something other then you suggest him to do, then what you can do is call his mistake to his attention indirectly. Let's say you found someone smoking in a non-smoking area, what you can do is hand them a cigarette and tell them that you will appreciate if they smoke that outside. They would definitely know that you have caught their mistake, but being so loving, they would admire you and next time you don't have to hand over a cigarette to them.
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistake before criticizing
The third thing you can do is to talk about your own mistakes before you talk about other mistakes or criticize them. Like you are dealing with a child, who is continuously making mistakes and you need to correct him then the easiest way to deal with him is to discuss that your youth was a lot more miserable than his and just exactly tell him how you correct it and that child would definitely follow your example and correct himself.
Principle 4: Ask a question instead of giving orders
We all have ego and self-worth, that we don't want anyone to put in the trash. So, when you try to give the order to a person, instead of listening to his suggestion, you are saying that his idea is worthless and your idea is the best and he will not follow you on this one. Instead of giving an order you ask him a question which is your suggestion and definitely, he would accept that as his idea too.
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Written for Bitlanders
Date: August 10, 2018
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