A lot of teens these days are taking something called the "purity pledge," wherein they vow not to have sex until they get married. Hey, I'm all for people putting off sex until they're adults and can handle the ramifications. Because even with safe sex, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone, and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person. Once sex enters the equation, a relationship is never the same. But one woman recently wrote about her “purity pledge” that went wrong. It led to an incredibly short starter marriage. Once she realized that she and her new husband had absolutely zero sexual chemistry, she counted down the days until she could get a divorce, which happened six months into their marriage. Here are five reasons to get rid of that purity pledge and do the dirty before you say "I do."

Sexual chemistry.

Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who kept her "purity" until her wedding night, writes in Salon:

Our bodies wanted different things from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle. I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to sip my coffee in silence. We would fight, and then have bad sex and then fight some more. Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. There was no relief. Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the rest of my life.

As Jessica found out, sexual chemistry is something that can really only be ascertained by, well, having sex. Jessica would make out for hours with her husband before their marriage, so she thought that would translate into awesome horizontal mambo. But it didn't.

Sexual identity.

I know too many couples where one partner was able to cover up his or her true sexual persuasion because he or she simply didn't have sex with anyone. Not having sex with the opposite sex can also mean you ignore those longings you might have for the same sex, and therefore don't acknowledge them.

Sex itself.

Not everyone is great in bed, and most people don't start out very good at all. A lot of good sex is about listening to your partner and being able to respond accordingly. But how do you know if someone is a good listener or responder unless you try it first?

Size.

Don't you want to know if your husband is packing a hunting rifle or a tiny little plastic kid's pistol? After all, he knows how big your boobs are. I'm not saying size would be a dealbreaker, but don't you have the right to know what's down there?

Sexual issues.

Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner’s semen are all possibilities, wouldn't you rather deal with those issues before you're married? This way you know if your future is even going to address them.

Let's face it, sex plays a big role in marriage. Just like you should discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live before tying the knot, sex is too big a part of a relationship to leave to chance.

Do you think it's a good idea to have sex before marriage?

Cited from the website www.christiantoday.com

Q. I'm a 16-year-old Christian who recently gave up my virginity. I waited until I really loved my boyfriend, and I knew he loved me. I don't think sex has anything to do with the fact that you're married or single. I think it's a choice each person has to make by asking themselves if they're prepared for the outcome if something goes wrong. I talked to my partner about the possible outcomes. We used protection and nothing bad happened.

My boyfriend broke up with me recently. I know it wasn't because of sex, it was just because we had grown apart in our relationship. We're still best friends and we talk all the time. I still don't regret anything I've done because I know I loved my boyfriend, and I always will. So why do people judge me when they find out that I'm not a virgin?

A. You feel criticized by people who learn you aren't a virgin, but you might be surprised to know that some people feel criticized for just the opposite reason—because they've never had sex! It depends on who is doing the criticism, and what their philosophy is. In America today there are at least two very different philosophies of sex.

You've done a good job articulating the way sex is seen by many, especially on TV sitcoms, in most movies, and in supermarket magazines. The key to this philosophy is the individual—his or her likes and dislikes, his or her choices and responsibility. In this view, sex is a way for individuals to enjoy each other. Each person must decide individually whether to make love or not, with whom, and for how long. The only constraint should be whether they're prepared to handle the consequences. You can't avoid some risks, so you ought to face them honestly, minimize them if you can, and take responsibility for the results, whatever they are. If you should happen to get a sexually transmitted disease, or become pregnant, or decide you're not meant for each other, those are just the breaks of the game. Most likely you'll move through a number of sexual relationships before you find one that gives you lasting satisfaction. (And some people never find that, but keep moving from one partner to the next.)

If you follow this philosophy, there's no reason to blame you for losing your virginity. If someone had a baby and didn't take care of it, or contracted AIDS and whined about it, that would be wrong. But there's nothing wrong with what you've done—if you believe this philosophy.

I follow a different philosophy based on Christian truth and Scripture. The key to this philosophy is relationship. Sex, according to this view, is the way for individuals to bind themselves in a total relationship, in which two people become a single loving unit for the rest of their lives. In other words, sex is all about marriage and family. Your individual choice remains important, but it doesn't remain supreme forever. You become "one flesh" with a member of the opposite sex, by choosing to marry. Sex goes with a commitment. You lose a certain amount of freedom, a certain amount of individuality. But you gain a lifelong partner and soulmate.

Doesn't Sex Produce Intimacy?

During their discussions about premarital sex, Rob insisted that it was good to engage in sex with a dating partner because "it brings you closer."

Cindy believes that this is true, and not true. On one hand, the Bible says that sex causes "two people to become one." Therefore, it's more than just a physical act, it's also a spiritual encounter (Mark 10:6-9).

Additionally, Dr. Patricia Love, the author of The Truth About Love, writes that a feeling of intimacy is created by a "chemical cocktail" that is produced in the brain during sex and stays with each person for up to 24 hours after intercourse. Perhaps this physiological bonding is what Rob was referring to.

On the flip side, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.

Alice Fryling, in an article titled, "Why Wait for Sex?" writes:

"Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate."

Some experts even report that premarital sex short circuits the emotional bonding process. Donald Joy, a writer forChristianity Today, cited a study of 100,000 women that linked "early sexual experience with dissatisfaction in their present marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy and the prevalence of low self-esteem."

So what does this mean? If Rob tries to convince Cindy, or any woman, that sex will actually help their relationship, she might want to think again before consenting. While premarital sex does produce a short-lived chemical cocktail in the brain, there is no guarantee that it will produce long-term emotional closeness or relational satisfaction.

Can't Sex Help You Determine Compatibility?

Rob told Cindy he felt it was unreasonable to expect him to abstain from sex before marriage because no one would buy a car without test driving it; so he couldn't imagine committing to marriage without taking a "sex test drive."

When Cindy suggested to Rob that his "test drive" mentality could lead him to compare his wife's sexual performance with his other partners, he denied it. "No, I wouldn't," he adamantly said.

However, his logic is faulty. Here's why: If it was true that Rob wouldn't struggle with comparison, why would he need to "test drive" anything? After all, if he'd never had multiple partners, he would automatically think his wife the best. For example, the man who hasn't ever seen or driven more than one car doesn't know what other cars are like; therefore he would be satisfied with his automobile.

Partners can also feel threatened if they think their mate could be comparing them with previous partners.

When Cindy randomly asked 10 women at work if they would be worried that their husband was comparing them if he'd had intercourse with multiple women before marriage, 80 percent of them said yes.

This provides a strong argument to abstain from sex before marriage to protect the emotional safety that your spouse will need to feel in marriage.

Hope and Restoration After Premarital Sex

Perhaps you're asking, "What if, like Rob, I'm guilty of sexual sin?"

The first thing to remember is that no sexual sin is beyond God's forgiveness. Thankfully, He doesn't withhold forgiveness or grace from those who ask for it.
1 John 1:9 promises that if you confess your sins, that He is faithful to forgive and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Note: This includes all sin, and does not exclude sexual sin. Psalm 103: 12 also promises, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions [sins] from us."

In addition to forgiveness, God wants you to embrace His grace that will help you move forward in life and embrace the promises He has for you with joy. In spite of your choices, God wants to bring you relational fulfillment.

To conclude the Matter, sex is an exercise, The decision whether to do it or not depends on you. Like every other thing we do in life, there are good and bad side to sex before marriage, after reading our articles above you might have to decide whether to embark on the journey. But remember, sex is one thing you never undo after doing, so decide wisely. If you wait till marriage, it may end up being the one of the wisest decision you have ever taken.